On Top: ANTM Cycle 17, Ep 1

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Happy, happy half-birthday to me!

As promised, Cycle 17(!) of America's Next Top Model premiered on Wednesday. It was even more than I had hoped, dreamed, or imagined.

Yes, okay, that statement is a bit tongue-in-cheek. But what I'm loving about this season is that the show has given up all pretense of being an actual modeling competition. Unlike previous "cycles" where the women are (mostly) young up-and-comers--or just the prettiest girls in their high schools who have grand illusions of being world-famous--this cycle features women who already have agents, some who have been in national commercials, and who have already attained fame, or at the very least notoriety. There are still prizes there: a spread in Italian Vogue, a contract with Cover girl, but for women who have already reached at least some of their goals, what more is there? Why do this show?

And so ANTM 17 has pretty, skinny girls living together, trying to out-pretty and out-skinny each other for little reason more than any other reality show. Their faces are on TV. They get paid. And maybe they get to be skinnier and prettier than 12 other girls. Man, I love this show.



I'm excited to see "supergay" Kayla, weirdo art director Allison, and Couture by Grandma Wanda Laura. Though not the best model in the bunch Hawaii-Harlem-fabulous Sheena might actually win this thing, since it's about time ANTM has an Asian winner. And I have to root for Jake's girl from the 716 Angelea and our local girl Isis.

The rest I can give or take, though I am missing Toccarra (who has her own reality show on TV One), Nik, Jenah, and sweet little Jaclyn. Ah, well.

I'm glad party girl Brittany went home this week. Not because she annoys me or models badly--in fact, I rather liked her on her season, and she reminds me of a young Janice Dickinson. Which is a compliment, I swear. But, in a weird cross-reality show twist, she and co-model Lisa wound up rooming together.

Lisa was the party girl of her cycle. She drank a lot, talked to plants, and did some unmentionable things while dressed in a diaper on a photoshoot with the boys from Jackass. A few years later, she went to rehab. But not any rehab, no. Like any "respectable" famewhore, Lisa went to Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew. She wound up being the most boring person that season, leading me to believe she actually took this thing seriously. For all I know, she could have fallen off the wagon already, but rooming with Brittany could have had real disastrous connotations for her recovery.

Or maybe I just think about reality television too much.

Oh, wait. There was a runway show in front of a crowd of fans, and a completely forgettable photoshoot. And Nicki Minaj was the guest judge. Whatever. This isn't a modeling competition any more, and I for one am very excited that the show has gleefully given in to its own ridiculousness.

Next week: "Oh, we've already given you makeovers we thought would help your career? And they didn't? Ah well, let us try again. And maybe we'll make some of you cry more!"